OMGSoooooCORNY!

hahahahha;] i cant believe in a serious blog
i included SHERWIN in my blog oh-my....


-im such a nerd -_-


blah.

My birthday <3

Is finally coming up & i recieved my first gift & already ate my first cake ;)
im so happy that things are working out right now.Im finally okay with everything.
But the other drama doesnt mean anything to me i mean why should it right?
i have other friends and as i have already said before they're not the center of my
life & well if i am to them then thanks; but thats your own fault for putting me there.
im waiting for my salmon to cook right now and i just feel way much better.
i dont feel sad anymore & i guess its because i feel like drea isnt mad at me anymore :]
phew.well there are alot of things that im still contemplating about but things
just alot more easier.
was thinking about my last blog and how weird that was, i made a whole plan about
what i was going to write about today on here,and its crazy how im just writing about
something completely different.
its crazy how things work out though i know that god heard my prayers for things
to get better, but for confirmation i picked my St. thanks to the last life night.
and that St. is St. Maria Goretti.

She is someone that i really look up to because she is very forgiving and i guess i want
to be like that i want to be more forgiving its something that i need to work on along
with my patience but things will eventually happen for me ;)


so my birthdays coming up and i have no idea what im going to do this weekend!
IM excited. and i cant wait thinking about going to dinner after life night..with maybe just
one or two people ;)

My mom-

So today at star bucks i sat with edison talking about my life story.
i mean he knows everything.thats a shocker.
but he asked me about my mom......and how i would react if i saw her.
i really didnt know how to answer the question but words started rolling through
my mouth. but i wasnt really saying what i really wanted to say.


its been 6 years since i've seen my mom. 6 years of standing strong,falling on my knees,
and finally getting back up and learning to just look towards god.

i honestly dont know how i would react if i saw my mom again.
i cant even remember her voice,her smile is only a faded memory.
& most of all i barely remember what she looks like,

its like i've never met her at all.
sometimes when i look at people and they disrespect their mothers.
i get really angry.because how stupid can you actually be to say that you HATE
your mom? i dont have a mother to stand by my side and clean my room
or to tell me to clean my room.
or even to go hang out with to go bond.


at the retreat we did a meditation on a parents (lifeteeners you remember that?)

you actually want to know what was going on?

i saw my mom.through what i CAN remember her looking like....
a short filipino hawaiian lady with long hair.
and i imagined her crying at my feet telling me that she was sorry.
just like the drunkin nights that her and i would go through when i witnessed
her trying to hurt her self.


i saw her getting back on her feet and her telling me that we should hang out sometime.

but hearing everyone else crying told me that it wasnt reality. and the pain,
REMINDED me that thats reality.

walking home i really thought about this, how i would react seeing my mom again..

i would hug her and tell her i miss her.

someday i hope that i can see her and if i have a job i would send her to rehab.but first i would
catch up on old times. i would tell her about sherwin about how much i really do like him..

about my great friends at lifeteen and how they all take care of me.

how god is so much in my life now..


but....sometimes reality...just hurts,


so its been 6 years. of standing strong MAKING myself learn. learn how to be a lady,
learn how to just stay off of drugs,



anyone want to ASK me if im on that kind of stuff?
ha,you think i want to end up like her?
i do love her but no...



my life story has just begun on this thing..



and to all my close friends reading this i love you guys so much
:]

Obama & Mccain Election

I dont know my thoughts on who to win, which is yet another reason why i didnt vote for anything >< this is the first election where i dont agree with anything and i dont really care for it.

Either way i think whoever wins we're going to miss one thing about the person that didnt win. because both of the candidates arent perfect. We both have yet a younger generation running against an older generation. its kinda hard on who to choose who's going to win this election and its hard to decide on who to vote.


this year we actually talked about elections in english class and i was blown away by how much people are wanting or would vote for obama because of his popularity.

or how much people would want to vote for him just because everyones voting for him, alot of people dont really check their facts before they actually start to vote.


& its scary because this is not just someone we're electing just because, its because this person is going to be in charge of whats going to happen in our world and our country.

its a scary thought because when we grow older how is the economy going to be?
how exactly are we going to deal with the money issues that we're going to have?



so actually i guess i dont know who id want to win, thats a long story and i have to much pros and cons going on in my brain to even deicipher whos good enough to be president.


so who do you want to win? or who did you want to win and why? maybe this can give me a different point of view.

My heart;

Something is telling me to just wait for him until he is ready, but when i look at it he told my own friend that he wasnt ready for a relationship & yet, he's STILL not ready so by this is he EVER going to be? I like him so much, he's an awesome guy & it amazes me about how talented he is. In my myspace blog i said that i wouldnt lock him down, but looking by how much i actually show him attention i guess i would.

but i only understand high school and college are two different things,its harder and its even MORE harder to hold a relationship.

maybe all i should do is just concentrate on top of my own school. but its just so hard to even fathom this, i dont know what to do when im around him because i like him so much. haha. im such a whiner :) i just dont know what what to about my feelings. and what i mean by i dont know what to do when im around him is that i wish that i could talk to him i wish that he would give me the TIME of day. haha but i always chicken out when its time to talk to him


thats CRAZY haha because im never like that.
geeze man thats some crazy STUFF! haha. i dont mean to like him. but i guess thats just the way it is <3